Ive Loved alot...Hurt alot...been Burned Alot...
Okay---Im not an open person. I dont express my feeling like I used to. I have been uunder so much pressure and been through so much shit lately and noone knows or understands how much it hurts. And even if I was to talk to someone about it, they dont live in my shoes, they couldnt possibly understand anyways. I want to talk to someone. I need to and I keep tellign people that, but I dont know what to say or where to start. i cant stop crying, I cant stop thinking about suicide, I cant stop thinking that im not worthy of the things that I have because i obviously dont seemm to appreciate them enoguh. I seem to read things wrong or make mistakes and have them blowe up in my face. i seem to not be as perfect as I'm supposed to be. I seem to be the reason for depression, I think so much would be solved if i just let go! WHY WONT I JUST DO IT??? Because i cant, because there are things I want to live for, things I wanna see just one mroe day, and i hold on to those things with all my heart, yet they dont see it. But by being there I seem to be hurting them more, which i never wanted to do in the first place. God...I dont know. Whoever reads this, dont worry. i could never follow through with anything and would prbably never even be able to attempt. It is just on my mind alot. i think I need to run away. Far away. get away from everything. Ya know what i need to do? I need to talk to Dan.
Dan~~ I dunno if you read this or not, but I wanna come over and talk. i want KT to come with me, but she never is able to. I dont know if the fact that we arnt froends anymore ever even crosses your mind, but it hurts me so bad. I still cry everyday because of it. I still wanna try to make you understand and try to take away all the pain I caused you. But I cant. I've mentioned you in so many other entried in this journal, but I seriously dont know how to get you to understand. i really wnat to talk to you. Please.....
Katie and Harry---I dont know where to begin. You guys seriously are my Saving Grace..I love you.
I've still got a lot to learn
But, at least I know where I can turn
When I'm in my times of need
Just as long
(As I know all things are possible)
Just as long as I believe
I've loved a lot, hurt a lot
Been burned a lot in my life and times
Spent precious years wrapped up in fear
With no end in sight
Until my saving grace shined on me
Until my saving grace set me free
Giving me peace
Giving me strength when I'd
Almost lost it all
Catching my every fall
I still exist because you keep me safe
I found my saving grace within you
Yes, I've been bruised
Grew up confused
Been destitute
I've seen life from many sides
Been stigmatized
Been black and white
Felt inferior inside
Until my saving grace shined on me
Until my saving grace set me free
Giving me peace
Giving me strength when I'd
Almost lost it all
Catching my every fall
I still exist because you keep me safe
I found my saving grace within you
And the bountiful things that you do
Lord thank you
For delivering me
And giving me peace
Giving me strength
Giving me hope when I'd
Almost lost it all
Catching my every fall
I still exist because you keep me safe
Always my saving grace
Pulls me through
I found my saving grace within you
Posted at Sunday, June 27, 2004 by NextBigThing
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Harry
June 28, 2004 01:10 AM PDT
I know i can be a handful sometimes. i know i can get annoying, but in the end i love you no matter what i say or do. i can say i understand what you are giong through, but it seems you just dont believe it. i wanna show you i know what your dealing with. its not only that, ive dealt with so much shit to, i dont konw if you really understand me. i keep everything in, i dont tell ne1 nething really. you maybe depressed, but ive always been depressed. ive always hated my life, from kid to now. and i hope you know you make my depression nothing becuase you are whats kept me from doin nething. you're the strength i need when im at my weakest. you have no clue how much i really appreciate you, you and katie. ive thought about suicide for a long time. and its the same way with you. as much as i wanna die, theres things i just dont wanna let go of. and this past year and a half, my grip was loosening and my cliff to hold on to was getting smaller. you've helped me in noway ne1 has really tried. you and katie are the best. theres so many things i wish i could tell you but no words can really describe what you are in my life. i love you.
-harry |
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katie
June 27, 2004 03:01 PM PDT
aww i love you too... please don't do stupid shit.. tlak to me i know you have to!! just do it i'm going to the mill with you tonight if i can find a way to get there.. umm talk to me!! love ya!! |
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